Circulating the web this week, thanks to Huffington Post and Facebook were the rules to being an effective side chick. They termed it, The Sidepiece Agreement. One male friend however, (who clearly does not watch Scandal) referenced them as the Olivia Pope Agreement. This fun little slice of policy (perhaps written for fun) included a list of wonderful rules like (and these aren’t verbatim):
1. You are the other woman. Act Accordingly.
2. Maintain a positive vibe while we are in each other’s company
3. Don’t ask where this “situationship” is going and don’t tell anyone
4. Oh, and by the way, I’m still sleeping with my wife who I tell I love
As I explained on my friend’s feed, said rules did not apply to Olivia Pope because the person to whom she reports for duty is in love with her. He actually wanted to abandon his position and run off to Vermont toward a new life WITH her. Also, there is the point that his wife knew and encouraged the relationship as long as she did her duties and kept the boss in shape for election. Finally there is the most interesting point about Olivia Pope- she IS NOT REAL.
So, let’s talk about what IS real. First, some people really believe this crap. The second, ZERO INTEGRITY, applies whether the sidepiece is a male or female but for sake of time, and since the agreement focuses on the female, we shall focus on the male who drives said relationship/situationship. There is a serious lack of INTEGRITY in any male who carries on such a relationship but its often the female who is downgraded to a piece or pawn (as if she isn’t human) who gets shamed for it. Really? The truth is that it is a very passive aggressive situation in which the male doesn’t have the guts to tell his spouse/significant other that he wants to leave, nor to just leave without notice. Instead he boo hoos and pretends to the sidepiece that he is doing this because he is SO miserable that his legs won’t allow him to walk out. Sounds like bullsh-t, doesn’t it? That’s because it is and he (you if you’re one of them) is a PUNK. Today on the news there is a story of a man who left his child to die from heat exhaustion in the back of his car. After feigning shock, it has been found that he was sexting with other women the entire time AND he had told them that he was unhappy in his marriage. He told them… Up until now, his wife has defended him. She has gone so far as to say that she was the one who searched the level of heat required to kill a child in a vehicle. Apparently, that is something they just both wanted to know. I wonder if that charade will continue now that the truth has come to light. The truth is such a slippery slope these days. It’s so slippery that people no longer feel they should be honest with someone they call their spouse/significant other in the face of the public. It’s so watered down that they can have an excuse for being deceitful and only become sorry when they are caught. It has become such a water slide that they will invite stranger danger into their lives all for the sake of having a little excitement via the rules and agreement listed above. And yet, they could get the same exact freedom and excitement by simply… leaving.
I was thinking about NFL player Steve McNair who was also carrying on a sidepiece agreement with a woman who would later kill him at the secret apartment he shared with a “good friend”. He had gone on exotic vacations with this young girl. Obviously she hadn’t seen the agreement because she was waiting on him to leave his spouse who knew nothing of her (at least specifically). That’s a scary situation for anyone when you think about it. I see similar stories on murder/mystery documentaries and it never ends pretty. Further, its certainly unfair to the person with whom you formed the original agreement that is certainly not deemed null and void just because you don’t have the guts to be honest and have some integrity about yourself. This isn’t the 50s people. You can get divorced, you can leave, you can simply walk away. You don’t have to hurt or risk the lives of people you love just to escape from the pit of hell you have made for yourself. Go find some integrity in your personal relationships. It exists and your spouse/significant other will thank you for it after the pain of your departure. They don’t have to find out you’re a piece of crap once the truth of who you really are comes to light, nor should you wish that revelation on them. Your reflection in the mirror alone should cause you to want otherwise. Have some integrity. Deceit never begets anything positive. Man or woman up people.
P.S. And as for the sidepiece agreement- only an idiot believes that someone with whom you have a relationship built upon lies and deceit would abide happily forever after by rules you’ve made up in your head to suit your ego and dress up your lies. Maybe to your face, but during the 164 hours per week (give or take a few) you’re not around she has likely broken all of them. Yeah, I said it. Know your audience.